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good So it's been a while since I last update, I think. Longer than I would've liked anyway. Am back from Ohio. Had a good time in Ohio with the exception of a) being beat to a pulp by my grandfather in golf and b) being sick for half the trip. Did not make amends to the grandparents for various reasons most of them revolving around the fact that I was sick and then both of them got sick. Not meant to be, I guess.
Talked online with long-time on-again-off-again friend Mike. He's in China. Is having fun there. Must be incredible. Anyway, it was nice to chat with him once again. Thankful that I'm not beating myself up over being such an ass to him for quite a while. It's liberating.
Returned to work last night after a week off. Sad to say I'm kind of sore today, or worn out. Nice to be back. I missed my co-workers. Most of them I like. None of them I hate. This is a new experience for me. Accepting people as who they are and where they are in this journey of life is a gift. And a trite little statement, but it's delivered with all the sincerity I can offer.
Emotional well-being update: I am okay today. Drab sentence/statement. Deeper meaning: I am okay with ME today. If I can be okay with my fucked-up, insecure, selfish and self-centeredness then I can be okay with the rest of life. It's awesome, really. Knowing that I am fallible just like the next guy but yet still being able to appreciate progress. Life is different today. Makes me smile (I'm not a smiler, either so it's an internal smile- the definition of which cannot be entirely decided upon).
Alrighty, Then. Signing off
July 17 2005, 18:19:35 UTC 6 years ago
Sorry to hear you weren't able to make amends with the grandfolks. But. If you really think about it? They probably don't need an apology or anything of the sort. As they already have a great deal of love for you and are super-happy and satisfied to see that you have recovered. Happy to see that you're finding yourself by giving up that which caused a great deal of pain.
Also glad that you am okay with "ME" today. It's always a good day when we're okay with ourselves. Makes life enjoyable at best, bearable at worst. Either way: being okay with yourself gives you the ability to get through your day with confidence. No matter what. And stuff.
Maybe.
k bye.